- From One Blonde To Another
From one blonde to another, national day is long overdue
The Sun times ^ | June 29, 2003 | Paige Wiser
This week's argument: Blondes deserve positive reinforcemen
Tomorrow is a very special day. It is not the kind of national holiday that has been proclaimed by the president, or even a mayor (remember Zora Andrich Day?). And I'm still not sure who was behind Take Your Dog to Work Day. But National Blonde Day exists for one reason only: to promote a movie.
Sure, the press release talks about blonde discrimination, blonde pride and even a theme ("Makeover America"). But don't be fooled. And for God's sake, don't send any donations to the Blonde Legal Defense Club. It's all to boost publicity for "Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde," which opens Wednesday.
I saw right through the stunt, of course--perhaps because I'm not a natural blonde. My real hair color is something akin to taupe.
But I see no reason not to mark the day in some way. After all, one in three American women dye their hair blonde. We may be growing in number, but not in respect.
Earlier this year, the book On Blondes was published to critical acclaim. The concept was a bit of an oxymoron: A scholarly look at a group of women not historically recognized for their big brains. By the '70s, Joanna Pitman writes, blonde jokes were considered an art form.
One magazine in 1977 published an article titled "The Irresistible Dumb Blonde": "This is a creature who makes no pretense at being well-read ... She does not enter into sophisticated word play. She has no concepts to juggle; no theories to espouse. Her most salient points are physical, and imbued with a kind of irresistible sexuality. ...she protrudes in the right places."
Or, as Madonna would later tell Rolling Stone magazine, "Being blonde is definitely a different state of mind."
That's one way to put it.
So how are today's batch of blondes passing on the torch without scorching their manicures? Here are our nominees for the inaugural Blondes of Distinction Awards:
For not bothering with all that time-consuming research. The star of "Legally Blonde 2" is hatching another baby blonde as we speak, but she has yet to find out her due date. "I think it's in the fourth or fifth month, but I honestly don't know," she confessed.
Rumored to have contributed to the breakup of Robert Evans' sixth marriage. But Paris earns the award for being featured in Us Weekly's first-ever installment of "Hollywood Wedgies: Guess Who's Got One?"
For publishing a book with the most pompous title in recent memory (Living History). Not since Eddie Fisher's Been There, Done That have we seen such ego.
For going brunette for approximately three days, and then retreating again underneath bleached extensions. Know your limits, honey.
For her blonde ambition. She says she's going to market a "life-size Kim doll that will be anatomically correct in every way."
For publicizing her high-fat diet in preparation for her role in the "Bridget Jones" sequel. Doughnuts every day? What she won't sacrifice for her art!
For her record-breaking stint for being famous without making any cultural contributions whatsoever. Her breakup with Kid Rock got more press than Harry Potter, and she always has her career to fall back on. "I've been fortunate," she recently told People magazine. "I haven't had too many auditions. I slept with all the right people."
For reminding us that blonde is as blonde does. After publicly speculating that her ex, Edward Norton, would never marry Salma Hayek because "he can barely understand half of what she's saying," she issued the snottiest apology on record to "Miss Hayek, who is nothing if not brilliant, with a loving relationship and a massive I.Q., not to mention a firm grip and style with the English language."
For pushing her new album with an all-out bimbo makeover. In her latest music video, she is actually sprayed by a firehose. That's right--don't fight it, sister!
For starting early. Two tween queens reportedly got into a scuffle over the pop star at a cover shoot for Vanity Fair: Hilary Duff, 15, his current squeeze, and Lindsay Lohan, 17, his ex.