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More Suggestions on How to Avoid the SNIPER!
And do not paste targets on your clothes.
When you are pumping gas, do not carry a large sign saying 'the sniper sucks'.
Don't have a bumper sticker that says 'Saddam is a fairy,' you never know.
Avoid any gas station or store that is near a street.
When filling your tank, put down the metal thingy that will keep your tank filling, dive under the car, and look for a midget with a gun.
Or better yet, have your mother in-law top the tank.
"...and after doing this, be prepared to be arrested for public intoxication..."
Go nude! He hasn't hit any nude people yet. If he's a true Islamic dude, he'll have to cover his eyes when confronted.
After reading the "survival tips" offered up, I am convinced that the cops follow this principle:
When in trouble,
When in doubt.
Run in circles,
Scream and shout.
Walking briskly in a zig-zag fashion might just be a problem for an old cripple like myself or a mother with a young child. I have never seen a film clip of the Jews in Israel doing this chicken dance as they go about their daily business.
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Buy your gas in Arizona.
Listen to the sniper press conference. if they say something like " rest assured we have made sure XXXXX is completely safe"
Don't do X.
Don't have any business dealings with the clintons.... Wait, sorry wrong killer tips.
If you hear gunfire go into way cool Matrix mode, lean backward until your trench coat touches the ground and dodge bullets in slow motion.
Why can't everyone in the DC area simply crawl around commando style? Most already own knee pads.
Top 10 Ways to avoid being shot in D.C.:
10 -- Start a fashion trend in full riot gear
9 -- Go everywhere on a pogo stick
8 -- With arms over your head, hold a grenade in one hand, its pin in the other
7 -- Wear a very large turbin
6 -- Take the "Shoot Me" sign off your back
5 -- Disco your way across the parking lot to the tune of "Ha-ha-ha Staying Alive - Staying Alive"
4 -- Strap on a machine gun & spray cover bullets as you Rambo-sprint to the next building
3 -- Spend your life's savings on body guards
2 -- Design & wear a tin foil hat complete with antennaes
And the #1 way to avoid being target practice in the Beltway is:
Be a Chief Moose look-a-like.
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