What I Learned About Hurricanes in Florida in 2004
Credit Rex Rexroat
Submitted by John Hutchinson
Post Hurricane Floridian Humor
Some things I learned in Florida this past month:
1. Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ
2. No matter how many times you flick the switch,
lights don't work without electricity.
3. Kids can survive 4 plus days without a video game
controller in their hands.
4. Cats are really irritating without power.
5. He who has the biggest generator wins.
6. Women can actually survive without doing their
hair--you just wish they weren't around you.
7. A new method of non-lethal torture - showers
without hot water. This is for the lucky ones on city water. If you have a well and no generator, it's time to bathe in the pool!
8. TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.
9. A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser's to a drinkable temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14-pound turkey frozen for 8 more hours.
10. There are a lot of trees around here.
11. Flood plan drawings on some mortgage documents
were seriously wrong.
12. Contrary to most Florida natives' beliefs, the
speed limit on roads without traffic lights does not increase.
13. Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is definitely not required to keep your house standing,and during wind surges becomes flying weapons.
14. Just because you're over 21 doesn't mean you can stay out as late as you want. At least that's what the cops told me during a curfew stop.
15. Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14 generators.
16. People will get into a line that has already
formed without having any idea what the line is for.
17. When required, most any vehicle will
float--doesn't steer well, but floats just the same.
18. Hurricanes do keep the mailman from his appointed rounds.
19. Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.
20. Cell phones sometimes work when land lines are
down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.
21. Twenty-seven of your neighbors are fed from a
different transformer than you, and they are quick to point that out!
22. Laundry hampers were not made to contain such a volume.
23. If I had a store that sold only ice, chainsaws, gas, and generators...I'd be rich.
24. The price of a bag of ice rises 200% after a
25. Your water front property can quickly become
someone else's fishing hole.
26. Tree service companies are under appreciated.
27. MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals 30% higher electric bill ?????
28. Drywall is a compound word, take away the "dry" part and it's worthless.
29. Florida will not see a baby boom in 9 months.
Things are already too hot and sticky. Why add to the mess!